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Expert Q&A

	By Adolph Brown Psychologist

I am the single father of 3-year-old twins (boy and girl). Their mother died when they were a few months old, and they have recently started asking why they don't have a mother like other children. How should I approach telling them without hurting them emotionally?

Death is a concept that adults most often feel uncomfortable discussing with young people. It is important to understand that because death is a part of life and an unforeseen reality for some families, it becomes increasingly imperative that adults discuss this with children using age-appropriate dialogue and cues.

Pets like gold fish, hamsters, etc. are good examples to use for young children as they begin to understand that life is not infinite. Be sure to use language that will not come back to haunt you at a later date, such as Mommy went into the clouds (as children wonder when she will descend) or Mommy went away (as children will wonder when she will return). Attempt to be as honest as possible, realizing that young people are a great deal more resilient than most adults give them credit for.

Make sure that you have appropriately grieved and have adequate support systems in place. Also, remember to reassure your children that you will do the best you can to ensure that they are loved and cared for in Mommy's death.

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