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Expert Q&A

	By Paul Coleman Psychologist Family Therapist

My 5-year-old twins just transitioned from home-school kindergarten to kindergarten in a public school, where they were placed in different classrooms. One is having a very hard time without the other and is experiencing separation anxiety. He can't even think well enough to do his class work. How can I help him through this?

First, try to determine what the fear/anxiety is based on. Is your anxious child worried about safety for himself or the other? Is he uncomfortable because he is simply not accustomed to being away from his twin? Any other problems at home? However, at age 5, your child may not be able to articulate his reasons for concern. Ultimately, he needs to learn how to regulate his emotions by talking to himself in a more positive way when he is away from his brother.

I suggest you begin by practicing at home, pretending that the twins are in separate classrooms. (Have one be in the living room, for example, and the other in the kitchen.) Pretend you are the teacher. Then have your child verbalize his concerns and try to teach him alternative ways to think about the situation ("My brother is just down the hall; I will see him during lunch; I miss him but I will see him soon; It's OK to miss him, and it's OK to stay in my own classroom; I feel sad that my brother isn't with me. That's OK. I will be with him later for sure.") By rehearsing better coping skills, he may be able to apply them in an actual classroom.

Be sure to inform the teacher about your strategy. Do this many times over a period of several days. Have the child repeat aloud the better way to talk to himself. Then have him whisper the words. Finally, have him simply think the words.

If they enjoy playing with action figures, they can pretend that each one is a hero-figure doing a specific job in their own classroom but they will meet later to discuss their progress.

Since your other twin seems to be coping better, have him model for his brother what he says to himself when he misses his brother's company. Let him show his brother how to cope.

There will be times at home (I hope) when your twins are not interacting and are in different rooms. Use those moments to remind them that even though they are in different places they are able to handle not being with the other.

Have each brother draw pictures for the other that can be brought into the classroom to look at.

If the school allows the twins to visit each other during the day, that is acceptable. Just taper the visits down so that the twins learn to spend more time without each other when in school.

Good luck.

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