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Your One-kid Demolition Derby
Why Toddlers Can be Destructive and Why It's Normal By Alexandria Powell
When Tovi Krim's son Daniel was a toddler, he put a sandwich and paper clips into the family VCR. "It wasn't meant to be destructive," says Krim, a mother of one in Tel Aviv, Israel. Looking back, she can now describe the incident as "kind of cute" and very normal.
Parents expect at least a little property damage from growing kids. But when you're faced with the full onslaught of toddler destruction – tearing books, throwing food, smashing toys – it's easy to feel overwhelmed.
All toddlers, especially the younger ones, are egocentric. They have no sense that anyone or anything else in the world has needs different from their own. So when your toddler rips the pages from a book, for example, "he has no sense of hurting [the book] or anybody else – it's really about 'What is this? The paper crinkles, it tears, it's fun!'" says Dr. Klein.
In addition, your toddler probably doesn't understand what a book is or how to use it. Toddlers ages 1 to 2 1/2 will pick up anything and bang it to hear it, they'll feel it, they'll put it in their mouth, because they don't really know what it is, says Dr. Klein. "They have no idea what the social rules are or what consequences are – consequences meaning, 'If I throw this, it will break and we can no longer play with it.'"
As children approach 3 years of age, these unintentionally destructive behaviors begin to slow down. Three-year-olds are developing impulse control and, notes Klein, they better understand "what things are for." While they are still destructive from time to time, older toddlers are interacting with the world "in a much more socialized way," says Dr. Klein.