Dr. Mark Sossin, associate professor of psychology at Pace University in New York, N.Y., and former president of the New York Association of Early Childhood and Infant Psychologists, gives the following tips for parents of toddlers:

• Assess what the child is ready to be in charge of or is capable of making decisions about. Sometimes parents don't adequately distinguish between what they need to direct or limit in their child's life from what they choose to direct or limit in their own assertion of power.
• Is there a way to give the child some increased autonomy when the child feels too passive in the situation? For instance, allowing toddlers to push their own strollers rather than riding in them or letting them help put on their own winter jackets to whatever extent possible helps them feel in charge.
• Is there a way to say "yes" to the child's initiative rather than just say "no" to their chosen behavior? For example, a child who is throwing in the house might be redirected to throw the ball outside.
• Assess what your child is feeling and think of ways to convey that understanding through labeling with words or play. Accepting the presence of a negative state of feeling is very important. For instance, an "angry dance" might be appropriate for some children, who could feel they are being given a platform on which to express their powerful feelings.
• Ask whether the child is experiencing a fear or anxiety and never ridicule this; rather, attempt to label it and offer the child reassurance.