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Maximum Independence

Helping Your Teen Take Control of His Life

By Sue Marquette Poremba

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However, allowing your teen to take control of school doesn't mean not taking an active interest in his education. Meet the teachers, keep abreast of homework, but as your teen gains confidence, move into the shadows. Parents and counselors provide some guidelines on how to make this separation.

  • Learn to pick and choose your battles. If a high school student is failing a class or is in an unsafe situation, by all means, the parent may need to step in. But most situations don't require parent intervention. By letting the student sweat the small stuff early on, he or she will be more prepared to deal with the larger issues as time goes on. "I think kids should be empowered to start making decisions early in life, so that they are used to making them as adults," says Chantal Meijer, a mother from Terrace, British Columbia, Canada.
  • Follow your child's lead. Let them ask you for help if they need it, and when they ask, don't hesitate. If they know you are right there on their side, they'll be more willing to take the reigns to solve their ow problems. As a school counselor said about a particularly trying but independent high school student, "She could be a pain in the butt sometimes, but I'm sending her off to college certain that she'll know how to handle what life throws at her."
  • Slowly delegate similar responsibilities to your teen.
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