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Going Out?
What to Expect When Young Teens Start Dating
By Gina Roberts-Grey, LCSW
Despite the inclination for everyone to feel uncomfortable, talking with your child on the risks associated with dating and the importance of maintaining individuality helps preserve a child's fragile emotions. "I think I was more nervous than my daughter," says Jane Lawler of Crystal Lake, Ill. "We had already discussed shaving, wearing bras and menstruation, but this was different. I knew this talk would help shape her dating ideals."
Lawler's trepidation is not without merit. Your first reactions to your child's discovery of love can determine how much information they'll be willing to trust you with. If he or she senses you're not receptive to this passage of life, the child may opt to keep feelings, details or questions from you.
Conversely, expressing your availability and interest to hear about the new cute boy in Spanish or the girl he always sits next to on the bus creates an environment where your child will be willing to invite you into his world. Being privy to who he's going out with, where they're actually going and what they're doing helps you prepare your child for the many steps of love and dating.
Teen dating affects their moods, mannerisms and even their performance in school. Beth Maurin, a foreign language teacher at Barrington High School in Barrington, Ill., has seen how going out affects her students. "They change schedules to be in the same class – until they break up and want to switch classes again to avoid each other."
As the mother of three teen boys, Maurin is concerned for how young relationships impact studies. "Tuning into who is talking to their boyfriend often takes priority over paying attention to the class lesson," she says. Missing assignments instead of missing a phone call or forgetting to study for a biology quiz, yet remembering how many hours they've spent as a couple becomes common practice of children "going out." Maurin has seen the grade point averages of dating students drop and teens intentionally misbehaving in class in order to gain the attention of a potential love interest.