- my iParenting
- quick clicks
- twins today articles
- twins today q&a
- community & groups
- research baby names
- prepare a birth plan
- content channels
- ip channel rss feeds
- read birth stories
- read parenting stories
- recommended books
- e-newsletters
- safety recalls
- ip diaries
- ip store
- mom of the month
- dad of the month
- editor's letter
- letters to the editor
From Our Sponsors
- e-newsletters
- Sign up to receive our free weekly e-newsletters
- award-winning products
The iParenting Media Awards program helps parents find the best products for their families.
Just Not "Cliquing"
Help Your Preteen Survive the Social Life
By Carma Haley Shoemaker
Being popular usually involves different traits for boys and girls. While the traits are different, they do offer insight regarding society as a whole. "The breakdown mirrors traditional gender roles," says Adler. "Men are socialized to achieve and girls to catch a man. So for young boys, the main trait influencing popularity is athletic ability, secondary to coolness and/or toughness, modeling a macho masculinity to prove themselves. For girls, popularity is determined first by looks or appearance, then clothes, then socioeconomic status."
There are many different types of groups – popular kids, jocks, skaters, preps, geeks. But regardless of how a person is classified, there's general consensus – people don't like being stereotyped. Why are so many preteens, 
teens and even adults so compelled to stereotype? It's easy.
"It is much easier to label a person based on your preconceived notions about others who may have a similar manner or appearance than it would be to actually get to know each and every individual you meet," says Adler. "A lot of people may justify their reasons for forming cliques because they feel more comfortable around people with whom they can relate. Another part of the formation of cliques comes down to the vanity that is within all of us. The truth is we care about our appearance, and we care what other people think."
Experts also acknowledge that there is a dark side to cliques. "The downside to any and all cliques is that there are some groups that are valued more highly than others," says Jay Bass, a counselor and violence prevention consultant in Washington, D.C. "Those who do not fit into a specific group may feel neglected or hostile toward those who do and have a higher profile as a result. These individuals may then establish a group identity that is purposely set apart from what they see as being widely accepted."