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Fighting the Influence
When Friends Lead Astray
By Carma Haley Shoemaker
"Investigate what is going on in a child's life that makes him feel he needs to be with these children," she says. "Children may feel they are missing something in their own world at home, whether it is companionship or sympathy, and may feel these peers – even with the negative behavior – can give it to them."
When Michelle Turner's daughter was 13, she started hanging out with older girls. "She became much more outspoken, arguing about rules that had been fine up until now, and would be late coming home three or four times a week," says Turner of Butler, Pa. "She snuck out of the house a few times and started skipping school. I found out later that she had been protecting her best friend by staying out late with her. With some discussions and talking about the whole situation, I was able to find out why the behaviors were happening, and we addressed them together."
The first step in dealing with negative effects of friends is to set boundaries. Limits should be offered as to what is acceptable and what is not, regarding friendships. "Children should have good boundaries that include consequences if and when the boundaries are crossed or broken," Berkeley says. "It should be clear that 'these' kids are not OK kids and that the parents do not want them to be in their company. Parents should set boundaries, and keep to them. Often, parents are not strong enough about forbidding relationships that they do not feel are appropriate for their children. It's totally and absolutely important for a parent to say, 'No, you may not be with this child, and this is why.'"