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I Want Another Child, He Doesn't
3 Steps to Coping
By Lisa A. Goldstein
According to Wade and Kovacs, other ground rules include:
- State the reasons for your desires.
- Actively listen to each other.
- Remain calm, and take frequent breaks.
- Be open to each other's point of view.
- Review childhood experiences.
- Stay focused.
- Take things slowly.
- Plan a target date for coming to an agreement or evaluating progress.
- Be honest with yourself about your decision.
As you think about your desire to have another child, make sure that your reasons are valid ones. Wade and Kovacs list "iffy" reasons to have another child, like wanting another playmate for your existing child, wanting a child of another sex or even worrying that time is running out for you. Unhealthy reasons for having another child are pressure from family and friends, a tax deduction, religion, saving your marriage or feeling like your life is without meaning if you don't have another child.
If you're not making any progress through discussions, it's time to seek outside help. Finding the right counselor for this specific problem is important, say Wade and Kovacs. They advocate the use of a licensed professional, such as a marriage or family therapist, nurse psychotherapist, clinical social worker or a clinical psychologist. If your spouse refuses to go to therapy, there is high probability of no change, say Wade and Kovacs.
But Susan Fletcher, Ph.D., a parenting expert, says you can always go alone. "Even though it is a marital issue, a person going to therapy on [his or her] own can benefit from talking about the disappointment," she says.
Having another child despite one person being adamantly against it is the wrong way to resolve this situation. "It doesn't tend to be true that a person will get used to the idea after a baby is born," says Fletcher. "Anyone who is forced into a major decision will run the risk of vacillating back and forth, creating a lot of instability in a marriage." You could also end up resenting the child, Wade and Kovacs say.
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I Want Another Child, He Doesn't by Anonymous on 08/14/2009 02:17PM
my husband didnt want to have another baby after we had our son all he could say is do you realy want another one. this one is good what if you other one was not like that. he was making up anything to get out of it. i just keep telling him that i wanted one and making sure he knew what my feelings were about it and now we are tring to have a baby. he found out that its what i really wanted and he wanted to make me happy so he said what could it hurt.