- my iParenting
- quick clicks
- twins today articles
- twins today q&a
- community & groups
- research baby names
- prepare a birth plan
- content channels
- ip channel rss feeds
- read birth stories
- read parenting stories
- recommended books
- e-newsletters
- safety recalls
- ip diaries
- ip store
- mom of the month
- dad of the month
- editor's letter
- letters to the editor
From Our Sponsors
- e-newsletters
- Sign up to receive our free weekly e-newsletters
- award-winning products
The iParenting Media Awards program helps parents find the best products for their families.
Not Just Alike
When Identical Twins Look Different By Carma Haley Shoemaker
talk radio and national weekly PBS program. "Twins argue, fight, disagree and do all the things that non-twin siblings do. So it only comes to pass when there is a time a parent has to step in. And as a parent, he/she has to listen to both sides of the argument and both opinions, taking them both into consideration."
Just as a parent needs to see both sides of a conflict involving twins, she must also see both sides of the difference in appearance issue. "It is not uncommon for one twin to be labeled more attractive, smarter, more athletic or otherwise than his/her co-twin," says Gross. "How it is handled by a parent is the most important aspect, as it can affect how the twins themselves interpret the situation as well."
According to Gross, handling the situation should happen in a matter of steps. These steps include the following:
- Address both sides of the issue. Be sure to listen to what the twin is saying and validate whatever they may be feeling. Do not belittle or attempt to comfort either twin with comments such as, "Don't be silly, you are just as pretty as your twin," or "Your sister/brother looks just like you, so you are both attractive."
- Get to the base of the problem. What is different about the twin that he feels makes his twin more attractive? What does he want to change and how does he want to change it? How do both twins feel about this issue? Regardless of how little the problem seems to you, remember, it is a big issue to one and/or both the twins.