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Twins at Play

Adding Friends to the Fun

By Kelly Burgess

You can never have enough friends. Those words to the wise come from Cheryl Lage, mom of fraternal twins Darren and Sarah, and author of Twinspiration: Real-Life Advice from Pregnancy Through the First Year for Parents of Twins and Multiples (Taylor Trade Publishing, 2006).

Lage says that while she looked forward to and embraced the special bond that her now 5-year-old twins formed as toddlers, she has also always made a point to allow them to have play time with other children besides just their twin.

"Of course your twins will always be best friends, but it's important to introduce them to other children in play and social situations when they're still young and malleable," Lage says. "They need to learn how to interact with a variety of other personalities and to realize that not every child reacts to them the same way. This is how they develop well-rounded social skills."

In the early toddler stage, children do not really play with their peers as much as they play alongside each other, says Charlotte Doyle, professor of psychology at Sarah Lawrence College in Bronxville, N.Y. This parallel play gradually becomes more interactive as the child moves through the toddler stage. Dr. Doyle says the ability to play interactively may be accelerated in twins simply because they're around each other so much.

Being an identical twin herself and married to a fraternal twin, Dr. Eileen Pearlman, director of Twinsight, knows instinctively that twins do begin to interact early. But around the toddler years they begin to become aware of themselves and each other as distinct people and begin to set their own boundaries.

"Sixteen to 24 months is a time when they begin to define what's yours, mine and ours," Dr. Pearlman says. "They don't have language yet, so this can lead to aggressive behaviors such as biting and fighting. But, like with learning to interact earlier, they also tend to learn social skills such as sharing earlier. Twins also show a lot of empathy early on, so there may be a lot of loving and fighting and soothing."

Want to see more?

• Two Peas in a Pod? 10 Ways to Encourage Individuality in Twin Toddlers
• How Are You Doing? Building Your Toddler's Social Skills
• Not Quite the Same: Developmental Differences in Twins
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