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Home › Articles › Children › Identical Individuals

Identical Individuals

Helping Twins Develop Their Own Identities

By Lisamarie Sanders

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Instead, you can do something special with the second child. Set up a play date of your own, or go somewhere she enjoys. Explain that sometimes one will be invited without the other, and that it's OK. Reinforce the fact that they are separate people with different friends.

And Beyond
When faced with a twin-related decision, Gromada says, "Ask yourself, 'If they were singletons born one year apart, how would I treat this issue?' Then follow your answer. If parents take the time, the children will have a sense of individuality," she says.

"Some parents repress individuality; many parents force it," Brown says. "The best way is to let nature take its course." Paying attention and responding appropriately to your children's needs is the best way to help your twins develop their sense of self.

Kim Craft, a twin from California, agrees. "My sister and I are both strong and independent women because our parents celebrated not only our individuality, but also our special relationship with each other," she says.

Which One Are You?

There are many people who come into a twin's life who don't have a strong connection with them. Teachers, coaches, babysitters, even extended family members may have difficulty telling the two apart.

Nancy Segal, professor of developmental psychology at California State University-Fullerton and author of Entwined Lives: Twins and What They Tell Us About Human Behavior

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