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Identical Individuals

Helping Twins Develop Their Own Identities

By Lisamarie Sanders

Even though your children look alike and may have many behavioral similarities, there are a number of things you can do, right from the start, to help them see themselves as unique and special individuals.

Gromada encourages new and expecting parents to seriously consider whether they want their children to focus more on their independence or their twinship. "With every decision you make, you either advance their individuality or their twin unit," she says. "If you sacrifice the individual for the whole, the children may become confused about their identity." She adds that there's not much opportunity for the "unit" in adult society.

However, the twin bond is so strong and special, it should not be ignored. Nancy L. Segal, professor of developmental psychology at California State University-Fullerton, and author of Entwined Lives: Twins and What They Tell Us About Human Behavior (Plume, 2000), stresses the need for balance. "Few people would tell a married couple that they shouldn't be so much of a unit," she says. "The same is true with twins."

One of the first ways parents could encourage individuality in their twins is by the names they select. "Choosing rhyming or similar names may send the message that the children are parts of a whole rather than whole individuals," says Gromada. Segal agrees, adding that dissimilar names also cause less confusion.

Brown recalls one of her first steps in treating her sons as individuals. "When we came home from the hospital, I made up a simple song for each of the boys with his own name in it," she says. "I only sang Ohis' song to him." She adds that this also helped the boys learn their names quickly.

Want to see more?

• Just Like Me: The Challenges of Being a Preteen Twin
• Separation Anxiety: A Dad Reflects on Choosing Separate Classrooms for His Twins
• Two Peas in a Pod: 10 Ways to Encourage Individuality in Twin Toddlers
• Talk about it!

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