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Double Trouble
5 Tips to Tackle Twin Fighting By Alexandria Powell
There are other issues that come into play. "There is a lot of passion, because they love each other so much," says Eileen Pearlman, co-author of Raising Twins: What Parents Want to Know (And What Twins Want to Tell Them) (HarperCollins, 2000). "So they are going to be fighting, and biting, and pulling on each other because there is so much intensity in their relationship. When someone that you love very much isn't doing what you want them to do, it can make you very angry."
"Twins can get really upset with one another, because they are so close they are assuming that the other should know what they think, or should know what they want," Pearlman says. Young multiples may have a hard time realizing that their sibling or siblings aren't an extension of themselves.
Finally, twins can get tired of all the togetherness. "After a while, people just need time to themselves," says Pearlman, who is herself an identical twin. "We [tend to] just assume that since multiples are born together, and spend a lot of time together, that they must love being together. And most do, but they need separate time as well."
"Just physically stop it if it is dangerous to either person," says Doris Jeanette, a holistic psychologist based in Philadelphia, Pa. "Be firm, solid, kind and secure and stop it. This helps your children feel safe."
It is usually better to separate twins from each other at this point, Hazzard says. Put both in a brief time-out. Hazzard recommends disciplining both children rather than trying to figure out "who started it." "Trying to analyze the situation results in both children getting a lot of parental attention for fighting, and they will also both learn to tattle and blame each other," she says. "If they are both rewarded with praise for cooperative play, and they both get punished for fights, then both twins have an incentive to cooperate, rather than an incentive to fight and blame each other."