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Home › Articles › Moms and Dads › Stress Case

Stress Case

6 Tips to Keep Your Tension Levels in Check

By I.J. Schecter

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Often, the only thing more stressful than not feeling close enough to your child is sharing such a strong bond that Mom resents it. Typically, this is the result of Mom and Dad slipping into inadvertent good cop bad cop roles: Mom spends all day running a tight ship, then Dad the Funmeister swoops in the door ready to play, making him the unintentional favorite. The best way to alleviate stress based on jealousy is to try as hard as possible to get on the same page as Mom. That means being consistent with her rules, designating strictly "fun" time for her and the kids and, most of all, stepping up and administering discipline yourself instead of always leaving it to her.

Losing Quality Time
Prior to having kids, you spontaneously purchased gifts for your partner, regularly brought her flowers for no reason at all and maybe even overcooked the occasional dinner. Now, you're lucky if you get the chance for one meaningful conversation per week. Aside from not being able to say "I love you" often enough, lack of time also means there's less opportunity to collectively devise strategies or resolve issues.

"Though it's important to put in the necessary time for your child, you also have to remember to take care of the original relationship," says Ira Price, a father of two from Hamilton, Ontario, Canada. "It isn't easy, but anytime you have the energy for even a brief foot massage, cuddle or compliment, take advantage [of it]. Little gestures go a long way."

Fielding Criticism
"I don't get overly involved because I'm not that useful when I do," says WinstonTepner, a New York father of twin 3-year-old daughters and a 6-year-old son. This attitude reflects an unfortunate pattern unconsciously encouraged by many dads. First, they wait to be asked for help instead of taking initiative. Second, when they do get involved, they're often told they're too slow or unfocused. Finally, they decide they aren't going to get involved, because it only means being reprimanded.


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