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When Relatives Come Bearing Gifts...
and Gifts ... and Gifts By Christina Vercelletto
He suggests "spiritual" gifts, meaning gifts from the heart rather than the store. For instance, each member of the family can write a letter to every other member of the family, telling that person everything they love about them. Then the letters are exchanged as gifts.
Sometimes the problem is not the gifts, but the attitude toward them. "The problem is we lose what a gift is supposed to be about," says Chasen.
He encourages each of his four children to express appreciation when opening gifts, acknowledging the time and thought that went into it. Even toddlers can be encouraged to show gratitude.
"This year, we will encourage Olivia to at least point to the person who gave her each gift," says Darcy Falcone. "We may even have her try on some of the outfits as she's opening them."
Kris Santafemia, a Glendale, N.Y., mom of two children ages 3 and 6, keeps a lid on excess while emphasizing the spiritual aspect of Christmas.
"The flood of gifts seems to increase as the boys grow," says Santafemia. "We decided that they would get three gifts each from us the same number that Jesus received from the wise men."
To put the emphasis on giving rather than getting, Santafemia helps her boys weed through their toys and give some to the needy. This has become a day-after-Thanksgiving ritual.
"Often we find things that were barely touched, sometimes ones that were never even taken out of the box," she says.
And for those who think their child would never part with a thing, consider this. Last year, Santafemia broke with routine and gathered up the donations while her oldest was at school. He protested when he arrived home because his mother didn't give enough away.
"First be an example yourself," says Donald Freedheim, professor of psychology and co-director of the Schubert Center for Child Development at Case Western Reserve University in Cleveland. "Don't indulge in material things to the extent that your children see how important things, like cars, gadgets, etc., are in your lives." That is so important, but often overlooked, he explains. "Many parents have no understanding themselves as to what they are doing when overindulging their children, or are trying to meet their own needs with excessive giving."