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Talk Your Way Into the New Year
The 10 Best Things to Say to Your Partner
By Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller
"Would you like a back rub?" is an offer to give your partner pleasure. It flows from two important and related beliefs. One belief is that giving pleasure to another builds intimacy. Connectedness and feelings of closeness grow as one person provides pleasure to the other. The second belief is that giving and receiving are two sides of the same coin. As we give pleasure, we get pleasure in return: the pleasure of giving, the pleasure of pleasing, the pleasure of seeing the beloved enjoying the receiving.
This type of pleasuring carries no demands. An hour or two of massage and sensual touch is not intended to lead to sexual intercourse. It is important to have no hidden expectations or agenda. The motivation is simply to have your partner feel good.
"Let's do something weird" is about giving yourself permission to do something unusual with your partner. It is a request to be the opposite of how we usually are: serious, thoughtful, guarded and mature. Brainstorming unusual, fun ideas together could lead to exploring change.
"Let's do something weird" can be the beginning of an interesting dialogue. A playful discussion could challenge you to use the same Couple Talk communication skills you'd need if you were discussing a much more serious issue.
