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Baby's Temperament

Personality Styles in Infants

By Laura Cone

Dr. Carey says difficult children are ones who are predominantly negative, intense, inflexible and unpredictable, while slow-to-warm-up ones may be difficult in their own way but are not so intense.

Difficult children are sadly at risk for being labeled hyper or as having attention deficit when they are simply intense people, Dr. Carey says. "A lot of kids who have temperaments that are hard to get along with are misdiagnosed with attention deficit disorder," he says. "ADHD is the popular wastebasket diagnosis. If the parent does not like the kid very much, it's going to be ADHD. That's really absurd. It's being wildly over-treated. That's one of the great shames of our time."

Dr. Carey suggests parents collect a variety of observations to determine how to relate to a child. If your child is invited to a birthday party, note whether he or she is excited and jumps up and down or whether he or she remains nonchalant. When your child falls down, note whether he or she whimpers or screams. Your child might become intense when he or she is disappointed but doesn't get his or her feathers ruffled by little things.

Dr. Carey says parents can learn to handle each of their children's traits to minimize stress. Parents need to remember that their child's temperament characteristics are inborn, not learned behavior.

"The treatment of them is different from what you do with naughtiness or noncompliance," Dr. Carey says. "With those you use time out or take away privileges. Temperament is not deliberate behavior. It's just the way the kid is. It's important to recognize that and, as parents, make accommodations."

For example, he says some parents might be tempted to scream back when their child screams. "Parent has to step back and realize this is just an intense child," Dr. Carey says. "I can't overreact. The problem is not as bad as volume of complaining suggests."

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• Talk about it!

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