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Back to School Blues?
Can Mama Get Her Groove Back? By Linda Sharp
It's that time of year again. Around the country, a militia of children armed with new No. 2 pencils, three-prong folders and SpongeBob lunchboxes are preparing to head back to school. And moms everywhere are preparing to reclaim the sanity that went AWOL three months ago and head "Back-To-Life"! Are you ready to embrace your "Me" time? What will you do without the Rugrats both under your feet and on your TV? Most important, are you ready to "get your groove back?" Take our quiz and find out!
1. Your summer has revolved primarily around:
A. 4,000 readings of Dr. Seuss' Green Eggs and Ham.
B. Trips to the park, playdates, creating lemonade stands with your children in the 100 degree F heat.
C. Systematically crossing off each day on the calendar, as you inch closer to D-day. (You know, Drop the Darned Kids at the Door of the School and Drive Away Day.)
2. It is time to buy school supplies. What is your strategy?
A. Wear comfortable clothing and take a backpack full of survival snacks. Gilligan's three-hour tour is nothing compared to the Bataan Death March you will go on in search of those five spiral notebooks, wide-ruled only.
B. Find the 24-hour Wal-Mart and go at 3 in the morning when you don't have to fight 30 other moms for the last purple folder with pockets and prongs.
C. What strategy? I preordered the whole thing from the PTA back in May.
3. On Open House night before school starts, you spy the sign-up sheets for Parent Helpers. What do you do?
A. Sign every volunteer sheet until my pen runs out of ink. Have to be supportive!
B. Strike a balance by volunteering one day a week in the class and helping with the spring fundraiser.
C. What sign-up sheets? I didn't see no stinkin' sign-up sheets! Oh, OK, I'll sign up for the Halloween party. (How hard is it to buy three bags of candy?)
4. When you drop your child off at his/her class on the first day, how will you exit the building?
A. Sharing a box of Kleenex with other weepy moms as you leave your "babies" behind.
B. Leave what building? I only plan to slow down at the curb so they can jump from the minivan!
C. I will punch the air with a triumphant fist while leaping off the top step in a fit of "I feel good!" vibes worthy of a Senecot commercial.
5. Your plans for your first free day include:
A. Cleaning the entire house from top to bottom. Soap scum waits for no man – uh, woman, you know.
B. Tearfully leafing through every photo album of your child wondering how they grew so fast?
C. Breakfast with the girls, followed by an entire day of pampering at a chi chi day spa, arriving back at the school carpool line just in time to pick up your children.
6. Two of your children are now in school, with one still at home. What do you do?
A. Resign myself to 4,000 more readings of Green Eggs and Ham.