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Ending Sibling Fights

A Step-by-step Approach

By Elizabeth Pantley

will make the decision, and you will help them come to the best conclusion. Over time, and with practice, they will learn how to settle arguments on their own.

Step 5: Distract
If the argument is over a trivial issue, you can often defuse the tension with humor, or distract the kids with another activity. For example, if one kid is complaining that his brother is "looking at him funny," there is no sensible reason for you to intervene. Instead, ignore it and ask who would like to help you make brownies. Or, try humor. "Oh no! I once read about a boy who made a face like that and it froze in place. They had to mash up his food so he could sip his squashed pizza through a straw. He had such a hard time eating that he lost so much weight the cat thought he was a piece of string and batted him around the kitchen."

Step 6: Praise Good Behavior
It happens. The kids are playing together nicely. "Oh, good," you think, "I'll have time to catch up on my paperwork." As tempting as it is, don't ignore your children when they are getting along well! This is the time to show up with a plate of cookies and a kind word of praise. Reward the behavior that you wish to have repeated, and you'll see more of it.

My kids fight all the time. What upsets me the most is when they get physical: hitting, kicking, pinching, pushing and hair pulling. I usually end up screaming at them. Is there a way to stop the battles?

Step 1: Think About It
Children are not born knowing how to negotiate or compromise. When they are frustrated, angry or annoyed they will sometimes strike out physically. If they aren't taught the skills they need to control their emotions and if they aren't given direction about how to negotiate and compromise, they may continue to resort to physical actions to get their way. It's our job to teach kids how to work through their disagreements in a socially acceptable way.

Want to see more?

• Check out our Article Library.
• Arguing and Back-Talk: Excerpted from Perfect Parenting by Elizabeth Pantley
• The Role of Responsibility: How Much Is Too Much?
• Double Trouble: 5 Tips to Tackle Twin Fighting
• Talk about it!