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All Around the Table
How to Have a Family Meeting
By Tammy Ruggles, BSW, MA
Listening may be the hardest part of the family meeting, but it's also the most important. Listen closely to what the other person is saying. Parents tend to correct or lecture their children, and children tend to tune out. It may take a few practice runs to learn how to listen, but it's worth it. If you interrupt or correct a speaker, especially a teenager, then they may soon wonder why they should even speak at all and may stop communicating altogether. When you listen to your husband's idea of accepting a job that will keep him traveling away from home, you'll find him more willing to listen to yours about wanting to go back to night school.
Almost every conflict has a happy middle ground. Allow everyone to have input into the final decision, with both sides giving a little. Provide lots of choices and alternatives. For example, Trudy wants to go on a camping trip with a group of girls and boys her age. The compromise: Tell her she can go as long as there is responsible adult supervision (emphasis on responsible). A compromise with Todd's tattoo may be to get a temporary one, or to allow him to do something that is less permanent, like coloring his hair if he's been asking for it, or choosing a consolation prize. (If a compromise is out of the question, then a good firm "no" is fine, but it's good to backit up with more explanation than just, "I say so because I'm your parent." The old adage may be true, and it may be a quick fix, but it doesn't allow much room for dialogue.