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Making Change Work
Husbands and Wives in Stay-At-Home-Dad Families
By Michael Polinski
Over time, though, the husband and wife in stay-at-home-dad families work through the uncertainty of their new roles by revising their expectations, improving their communication, and developing greater appreciation for each other's contributions. Alex and his wife, Rachel, changed their expectations after Rachel spent some extended time home alone with the kids. Because of this, Alex says, "She realizes more of what I go through."
Regis Dansdill, a stay-at-home dad for five years from Wheaton, Ill., says, "My staying home has forced us to communicate better." Dr. Frank says there's a solid reason for this. "When Mom comes home, Dad needs to tell her what has happened today, and she wants to know, because she is taking over as the primary caregiver."
Dr. Frank also says the husband and wife in stay-at-home-dad families show greater appreciation for each other's efforts and sacrifices. Or, as Luz Feldmann, the wife of stay-at-home dad Joe Feldmann, puts it: "I felt a great deal of relief when Joe decided to take care of [our son] ... because it gave me a greater sense of control over my life."
Stay-at-home dads and their wives also experience stress over caregiver competency and preferences. Luz says one of the hardest things for her was "having to let go of control about how I would do things with the kids. How and what to feed them, how to dress them, schedules. I had to learn that even though Joe does things differently, it turns out just right for the kids."
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