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Grunts, Snarls and Verbal Abuse

How to Break the Silence and Poor Communication Patterns

By Laura Paul

During those heated moments, Dawidowicz tried to remember he was the teenager and she was the adult. "As much as I loved him, he did not know as much as I did," she says. "We did work it out. I ended up sitting down with him and having a conversation, and we drew up a contract. He knew what I expected. I knew what he expected."

To lighten tense situations, Dawidowicz uses humor. She relays stories about the silly things she did as a teenager and keeps a perspective. She also lets her teens in on the fact that she is a real person with feelings and desires.

Besides humor, another key is timing – it's essential when it comes to having serious conversations with teens. If the conversation topic will not cause too much anticipation anxiety, set a time to talk about it.

"One of the things I found is that often if I tried to push something too much, it became impossible," she says. "He shut down. Boys especially, but all teenagers today like to feel like they are in control

Forcing a child to talk on command might just build a greater wall, because the message he or she hears is that the parent's will is more important. Dawidowicz found that if she gave space and "picked her battles" when the kids weren't ready to talk, they eventually responded better.

Another way to get through to teenagers about the importance of proper communication skills is by helping them make the connection between communication and marketability in the work place.

Chad Foster, 45, of Atlanta, Ga., a motivational speaker and author of Teenagers Preparing for the Real World

Want to see more?

• Shh, Mom! Stop Spilling My Secrets: Why Parents Should Use Discretion When Talking About Their Teens
• Behavior Contracts: What Can They Do for You? An Interview with Mark Kichler, President of KidsContracts, Inc.
• The Lost Art of Letter Writing: How to Get Your Child to Pick up a Pen
• Check out our Article Library.
• Talk about it!

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