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Who's Better at What?
One Father's Thoughts on Keeping Sibling Rivalry in Check
By George Ayres
onary defines a rival as "one who tries to get or do the same thing as another, or to equal or surpass another; a competitor." By that definition, we've always tried to keep rivalry with our girls at a reasonable level. However, parents of twins must work especially hard to keep it in check.
Clinical psychologist Melissa Bunner, agrees, saying that since multiples have closer relationships with each other than other siblings have, all aspects of their relationships, including rivalry, are more intense. The best way to curb the competition between the multiples? "Look for their individual talents, strengths and interests. Also, find time to spend with each one of them," says Bunner.
From the toddler years on, we never dressed our daughters alike, didn't call them "the twins" and have always tried to promote each of their own talents. Comparison can be dangerous. It's just my opinion, but statements like, "Your sister's so good. Why can't you be more like her?" will ensure years of therapy for your children when they grow up.
Jodi Leach, a kindergarten teacher who has had twins enrolled in her classroom, also agrees that rivalry between multiples is more intense than with other siblings. "I encourage the twins to develop other friendships, other relationships," says Leach. "Though sometimes difficult, it's best to have the twins applaud each other's successes and get the parents to have as much independent time with each of them as they can. Vary their activities and go with their interests."
Lynn Sherman, a lawyer and the father of two sets of identical twins, says they spend so much time trying to maintain the logistics of everyday life that it's difficul
