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My Better Half
Mommy's Split Personality By Jennifer M. Paquette
The tough part is putting this into practice. The Chassidic teacher Rabbi Nachman used to say, "The whole world is a very narrow bridge, but the main thing is not to fear at all." I have resolved not to be intimidated into being a second-class mommy. I'll do what it takes to keep my job, staying on the narrow bridge, but also to carve out time for my kids even if work suffers.
When my daughter's birthday fell on a school day, she wanted me there. But it was also my first week back at work. I'd already missed a lot of time between her school Chanukah play and my son's winter vacation. I could have just sent in doughnuts; we were planning a family party a few days later. But I told my boss I was leaving at 3. My daughter would only turn 5 once, and I was going to be there. Short on professionalism? Perhaps. Or perhaps it shows a different kind of profession altogether. I left work early, arriving in time for the party, where she showed me off to her friends.
I thought I'd have to wait years to see any kind of payoff, but recently, as I walked with my daughter, I asked what she wants to do when she gets big. I rattled off careers in the equal-opportunity way we've been trained to do: veterinarian, firefighter, writer. She kept saying no. I finally suggested, "A mommy?" She nodded. "So you can stay home and look after your children?" I asked, cautiously. Another nod.
Equal opportunity is wonderful. But there is one unequal opportunity that we ought to take if we can: the unique (and fleeting) chance to mommy our own children. And if we're forced to split ourselves in half to do it, let's at least make sure our kids get the best half.
