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All By Myself
Helping Friendless Children
By Carma Haley Shoemaker
At school, on the playground or even in your own backyard, the sight of children playing with their friends is a delight to any parent. But what if your child plays alone? There are many children who do play alone, but not by choice. These children may not make or keep friends easily and end up becoming a friendless child. Fortunately, it doesn't have to be this way.
Dr. Peter L. Stavinoha, a pediatric neuropsychologist, says that social success requires a very complicated set of behaviors. "Some of these behaviors are learned, while others seem to be more inherent to the child," says Stavinoha. "For example, some children are by nature more shy than other children. Some children draw negative attention to themselves through their behavior, while others simply withdraw and seem to warrant no attention from peers. Any of these situations can result in a child not developing or maintaining positive childhood friendships."
"I have recently become the stepmother of a friendless child," says Ellen Hunt of Chicago, Ill. "In the two and a half years I have been in her life, she has seldom ever had a friend over, been to a friend's or anything. I would love to know if this is just today's society of driving kids everywhere and too many activities or a sign of something wrong with the child and/or the parent."
"There are varying reasons for a child's lack of friendship, and it varies even further when comparing child to child," says Stavinoha. "Some kids lack basic social skills such as how to approach another child or how to recognize and turn off those behaviors that annoy their peers. Some children lack basic social interest – this is not very common, but there is a subset of children who simply are not very interested in interacting with others, and they find interaction not rewarding or even anxiety provoking."
