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My Way on the Highway
Easing the Tension When Traveling with Preteens
By Sue Marquette Poremba
When my daughter was 11 or 12, we traveled to spend some time at my father's house. As we got in the car, I thought how much easier I had it than my sister and brother who were also traveling. One had an infant; the other had a toddler. I remembered the days of loading down the car with diaper bags, changes of clothes and portable baby cribs, and fighting with a cranky child who was tired of being strapped into a car seat. I was so lucky to be past that stage, I thought.
Of course, I had moved into a new stage – traveling with a preteen. In the car, my preteen sulked because she forgot her Walkman and wanted us to listen to her music on the car stereo. Then she sulked some more when we said no. At her grandfather's, she flip-flopped between wanting to be spoiled like the little kids and wanting to be treated like an adult.
It was no easier when we drove halfway across the country to visit other relatives and do some sight-seeing in Texas. She grumbled loudly about every day trip we had picked out, even though she had a say in them. If she were a few years older, we would have let her have more independence. When she was younger, she followed along willingly, more interested in the adventure itself, rather than the destination. At age 12, while she was at an age where she had more varied interests and more stamina to go at an adult pace, it still seemed nearly impossible to make her happy – no matter what we did.
Jo Pitesky of Studio City, Calif., is seeing the same type of thing with her 11-year-old daughter. While she says that it is easier to travel with a preteen because it allows them to visit a wider variety of restaurants and museums, for example, it also means hormonal meltdown behaviors. "With our younger child, meltdowns usually just mean we need to take something of a rest or have a snack," Pitesky says. "With the older one, it seems that she's just tired of being with the same group of people. That's a lot harder to manage when you're sharing a small hotel room."
