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An excerpt from: Hidden Messages: What Our Words and Actions Are Really Telling Our Children
By Elizabeth Pantley
This is a process that should begin early and continue at a regular pace. Introducing important life skills to your kids when they turn eighteen isn't feasible and might just be impossible. For one, teenagers are busy; they're eager to get on with life and have little patience to learn mundane skills such as loading the dishwasher. For another, they've already developed habits that are hard to break. So, it behooves us to bring our babies into childhood with a constant eye toward what we're doing for them and weigh it against what they could be doing for themselves.
Having said that, I maintain that it's perfectly acceptable to choose to cater to your child at times. If your child is sick, of course, you shouldn't tell him to get out of bed and make his own chicken soup. If your child is unable to complete a task on his own -- due to his age or abilities -- it's an act of mercy to help him out. Consideration as a character trait is every bit as essential as independence. The difference in these cases is that you're offering -- your child isn't expecting.
Changes You Can MakeBegin by learning one useful word, to be uttered to yourself at times when you catch yourself doing for children things they should learn to do for themselves: "Don't."
This is one of the few times in parenting that you can be proud of the things you DON'T do. Next time you see that crusty cereal bowl, hum your mantra -- "Doooonnnnn't" -- and refrain from taking it to the sink. Instead, call your child, point to the bowl, and sk him politely to take care of it. When you see those clothes lying on the floor just outside the shower door, stop yourself -- "Doooonnnnn't" -- and ask your child to put them in the hamper. Don't pick up those crumpled-up snack wrappers left on the kitchen counter -- "Doooonnnnn't." Request that your child give them a proper burial. Resist the temptation to move the morning along by packing your kid's lunch. "Doooonnnnn't." Instead, call her over to the counter, and guide her through the lunch-making process.
